I don't like her. And today I was reminded why. I don't really want to elaborate more because the more I think about it, the more it stays on my mind, the more it's getting harder to forget--you could imagine what happens to the 'forgive' part in the FORGIVE AND FORGET cliche.
Looking back to the heights of my 'anger' earlier (wherein I kept on talking to unload how I felt) I realized how ugly one can be. Figuratively.
I remembered myself saying nonsense talks (i.e. Let's go beyond this **mn account, let's see who's idiot). In normal instances, I would not recognize myself saying stuff like that. I normally do not brag (or much as possible avoid bragging to the best of my ability) because I sure know I am not the best. The anger must have gotten into me I have said 'those' things and now I regret it ever came out from my mouth. I was ashamed to those who heard me ranting. I felt bad all the more.
Now it made me think it's good that I am not created perfectly. I am best defined as flawed. I am not the most brilliant--can be even classified mediocre--otherwise I could have been insulting people having difficulties in comprehension. I am not beautiful (though my ever dearest boyfriend and mom claims I am one)--I am petite with a figure that is more on to the chubby side--otherwise I could have been so busy pointing and laughing at blemishes and deformities of others. I am not rich--I should work hard to earn just enough--otherwise I could have been wasting money without having any slightest idea how hard it is to earn and might end up failing to appreciate little and simple graces.
All these realizations boil down to the fact that God is indeed the most brilliant and the most perfect and wisest of anyone known to live. He definitely knows what He's doing and whatever He's up to it is always for the greater good. This also proves that God cares more to our character than to our comfort. If it takes for me to be imperfect, to struggle to appreciate life more and become a better person then I have to be imperfect and I have to struggle. (Which is actually an effective method. I don't know why we love learning the hard way. Can anyone answer me?) The process can be painful but the result leads me to Him.
Imperfection keeps humility. This reminds me that I am only human. There are a lot of things that I cannot do---alone. There are a lot of things that is not meant for me to have--all for myself. I am greatly humbled.
I never thought that there is goodness in imperfection until now.
Imperfection is perfect. The irony of it. A beauty itself.
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(Originally posted on November 06, 2011)
