Hello, 2013!

That feeling when it seems like only a couple of weeks ago when I wrote my welcome note to 2012, and yet, here I am updating the holidays for 2013. I should say days must be passing too fast before I can even notice it.

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Before anything else, I'd like to thank God for everything that has happened this year. This has been a very good year to me. So far, all that I have worked so hard for really paid off. I finally understood the reason why some unfortunate events have to happen.

This year, I hope to:

1. Finish all my acad subjects (and meeting the required GWA of DOST)

2. Pass my comprehensive exam on my first take

3. Find means to meet all financial needs (hahaha. please no more delays and illnesses)

4. Have stronger and happier relationship with my family, and with Philip, and with friends

5. Finally visit Ilocos Sur and Norte

6. Go to other places without spending too much (I need manlibre. Haha)

7. Good health

8. Contented heart

9. Happy and abled mind

10. Stronger faith 

(Note: The list is in no particular order. I'm just listing what's in my thoughts randomly.)

I'd say this again. THIS YEAR HAS BEEN REALLY GREAT TO ME. Hurdles are there, but I have already accepted the fact that it keeps appearing as long as I breathe. I am happy about the opportunities given to me. I am very glad about the presence of the people who were there with me from the start. I am really looking forward to still be with your company (physically, virtually, mentally, hahahaha) as years go on.

Honestly, I'm a bit scared. The fear of the unknown still bugs my nerves. As it is said that though the earth contains water, heavy water can wash off the earth. This might be a very challenging year for me. But I'll take it the positive way. Though too much water can weather the soil, there will still be water. Opportunities are there. I should only be strong enough to hold on to 'em.

I am also positive that the Lord will always be by my side. 

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I am truly grateful that despite my imperfections, You are still a loving Father who loves me unconditionally. I thank You for everything that You've done for me. I am thankful for all the provisions, and yet to provide. Whatever I'll learn and achieve for the days to come will always be for Your glory. Yours alone. I am nothing without You.

Smiling at 2012

Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I'd like to express my gratitude before I miss my chance. Hahaha. :D

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On set of the year, I was already bracing myself. I was already trying to prepare for whatever (challenges = worst) that's gonna happen. As everybody does, I have a road-length list of targets, wishes, and plans. But as how uncertain life can be, I want to be immuned from despair and frustration as much as possible.

Life sticks to its reputation. Storms visited, and rainbows appeared too. Just sharin' some of my pains which taught me humility and faith, and my joys which taught me the glory of perseverance and determination. And some of these, well, are just stuff I find remarkable (which may don't make sense to others). It's my page so I'm posting anyway. :P

CAREER ISSUES

The Minus

Due to some reasons I cannot elaborate here, I left my work at Stream Global Services where I stayed for more than a year. It was stressful in a way that updating resume was a hassle, and applying in a different company   and to begin from scratch are really tedious. The torment of leaving my comfort zone has caused me too much stress. The first two months were really hard. I was supposed to begin my new work a week after leaving my previous job, unfortunately some changes were done so I have no work for a month. 

The Plus

It turns out that changing to a new working environment  has been a blessing. I loved my new work. It felt good being a part of one of the best companies in the industry. I like the people. I like what I do. Above all, I like my salary.  Hahaha. 

PSEUDO-CAREER ISSUES

The Minus

The call to leave my new comfort zone (new work) came. Just as I was beginning to call it 'home', I was forced to leave my new work for me to chase my dreams and be back on track. The comfort and security that my work offered me were something that were so hard to decline, especially that I am not free to take risks as my sister's education completely depends on me.

The Plus

Having just the courage and faith that the Lord won't leave me, I took the challenge. I left the working society and allowed my self to be engulfed again by a world where I had been once---something familiar, yet completely new, the school! This was a dream that came true.

A little history here: Back in high school, it was really my dream to study in UP (either in UPD or UPLB). Luckily, I passed the UPCAT. I was qualified to take BS Electrical Engineering in UPLB. However, my father (being extremely strict) did not allow me to go there. "It's too far," he said. So there, I initially studied in CSU with a heavy heart. Had I been in my right mind during enrollment, I could have taken BS ECE. Since they suggested I take BS EnviSci, I took it instead.

BEING ISKA

The Minus

It wasn't called UP for nothing. Studying there is not easy. The fact that it has been about three years since I last read  reference books and scientific journals might have made it difficult for me, not to mention I'm in Graduate School. Here, I experienced sleepless nights especially during exams. It  was my first time to study at least 3 days for just a subject and still cry because time  was still not enough. It's mind boggling, and I must admit being here still cracks my brain. The delay of DOST's monthly stipend also worries me.

The  Plus

I'm learning! And I definitely enjoy what I'm doing! Despite the sleepless nights and stress brought by beating deadlines, I'm glad where I am. It's also very timely that the task of 'distributing' of stipend has been  bequested  to UPLB. No more delays! (Except for the first month of the semester).

MY FIRSTS

My first time to cut my hair this short. I could no longer remember what has gotten into me why I was so decided to cut my hair this way. I didn't heed my friends' warning. It was a relief that I didn't look bad wearing a very short hair like this. ^____^

My first time to have a general point average as good as this. I have worked hard for this. I want to exercise my bragging rights. Just this once.

My first attempt to cook food like Bicol Express (which looked more like a potato salad) and chicken adobo (which doesn't really look like one). :P

My first  time to witness Ely Buendia performing live! This was really cool! I wasn't expecting to see him during that night. 

A confession: After he performed, Ate Masong and I sneaked out at the side of D.L. Umali Hall (where his van was parked) in full hopes that we can have a picture with him. Too bad, he went inside as soon as he has changed clothes. 

There are really lot more to share. Remembering all the fears and tension that have shaken me, I feel grateful more than ever. This year has been great, as always. At the end of the day, hardships and challenges always turn out to be blessings in disguise. Thank You, Lord for this wonderful year! All these things are only made possible because of You. Whatever I learned and achieved, I bring the glory solely to You.

A Taste of Bittersweet Memories

Found this in an archive. I realized I have quite a few entries posted in various sites. This coming Christmas is the second Yuletide season without him. (This was written on May 12, 2011)

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I’m feeling weepy again.

[My roommate reminded me the song I love but scared of listening. I did my best not to sing the song in my mind. Fate wasn't helpful. The song was played by the neighbor a minute after. Why do I feel there's conspiracy here?]

There’s no getting over when losing someone, we just get use to the feeling of their absence and the pain it causes but we’re still at loss and we’re still in pain.

This is why as much as possible I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to be reminded how painful it is to lose a father. Each time I am reminded that I could no longer hear any wise words from him, I become scared and unsure of whatever decision I’m making. If only I could ask for his opinion and hear his support, I’ll be good to go.

We weren't close. He was so strict I felt I have been imprisoned since birth. As the song goes “His gentle means of sculpting souls took me years to understand”. Back in college I was dying to get a life of my own, away from his shadow and authority. Now that I have it for the rest of my life, I wish I had just savored those times when he can still direct the things I do. At least I know I was guided. It’s hard to lose a pillar where you get most of the confidence and strength from. I never thought he was one of my best source of strength, never noticed it until he’s gone.

He wasn't the best father. I don’t detest him though, I wasn't the best daughter either. I just regret I haven’t told him how great his contribution was in the foundation of my values and my personality as a whole. I couldn't have been any better if it wasn't for him. I never even said ‘thank you’ for all he has done. I never said he was forgiven. There were so many things I wish I did, so many thoughts I wish I said out loud.

Lord, I know my Papa’s now with You. Please let him know how sorry I was for being a pain in the neck at times, please tell him how grateful I am for all he has done especially for me, please tell him how much I love him. And most of all, please tell him I have forgiven him and give him the assurance that I do not wear any stain of hatred. These are the things I’ll always regret for not telling him, do it for me Lord.

“I thank you for the music and your stories of the road. I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go. I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got tough. And papa I don’t think I said I love you near enough” (LEADER OF THE BAND)

“If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him, I’d play a song that would never ever end. How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again” (DANCE WITH MY FATHER AGAIN–the culprit of my crying mood tonight!)

Happy feet! :)

Today (well, technically yesterday, November 30, 2012) is a proof that somehow planned activity can be realized IF ONLY there's a will. I don't know about you but I have noticed that planned activities have a 95% chance of not happening. Seriously.

Today must be the odd 5%. Glad it was.

We have long planned to visit a town in Calabarzon which is infamous of selling footwear at a very affordable price (well, affordability remains subjective. Since I have not received my stipend yet, even the chicharon sold at Php40.00 is something I wish I can afford. :D )

The travel was, errrr, do I have to say something about it? Well, just a piece of advise, it's best to bring your own vehicle. By commuting, one has to pass 2 towns which approximately takes 2 hours before reaching the destination. It's a consolation that there are trees along the way. The wind was quite cool.

It was also exciting in a way that none of us has been to the town yet. But as a friend told me, there's nothing to worry about getting lost. One wouldn't miss the town. Upon reaching the place, I found out for myself why.

The town was full of stalls which were full of footwear for all ages, and for all foot size (errr, don't be sarcastic, giants and 'mini'-giants are not included :P ). The excitement consumed me. Most of the designs caught my attention. Some were really elegant, and sexy. Others just looked so........alien. :P But for shoppers and shoe lovers who are budget-conscious, it's definitely a heaven on earth.

I felt the need to have more eyes so I can see all these stuff all at once! I suddenly hoped I have more bodies so I can maximize the time to check everything!

For someone who isn't really a shoe fanatic, (don't get me wrong. I definitely see the necessity of using footwear. It's just that I'm already good with having only a pair of shoes, and slippers), and who's suffering from extreme poverty (LOL), I am the last person who should be fascinated about what this place has to offer. :D

So, there. Forgive me, I just can't disclose the place since I have my own personal agenda to protect. Hahahaha. 

And of course, since I'm with P, I can't go home empty-handed. He's one of the most generous persons I've ever known. Hihihi. I can't contain my gratitude for this girly pleasure. Yep, sometimes it feels good to be a chic and really feel like one!

It was already dim, and the flash didn't really help much.
The mirror also needs some cleaning.

Here's what I got! Honestly, this is my first pair of wedge sandals. I won't begrudge you if you doubt my sexuality. Haha. I'm just so in love with flat footwear. I only hope this isn't qualified as infidelity. :)

I'd definitely be going back. Do you wanna come with me? I'd be happy to be your guide, and it's for free. ^______^